Its strange. I am home, in America. Yet I am not the same as when I left. I am new. Returning home from Israel, I have not been able to make a proper analysis of my experience. I try to sit and understand the past five weeks. I try to fathom everything, yet I find myself at a loss. I have come from the most intense emotional, spiritual and physical experience of my life. America. This land that I live in now seems less glorious. Pride. Arrogance. English signs and speaking. TV. Media. Commercials. Radio.
The church- a structure that was established by man- so often takes perspective from Israel and the Jews to replace it with Christians. Replacement theology. The Bible- the scriptures- were not written so different sects of Christianity could interpret it to fit their mold of faith. The scriptures were written as accounts to the glory of God and his promise regarding Israel and the Jews. Yes I am a Christian. Yes I love Christ. But experiencing the church, now, after experiencing Israel, is somewhat draining. Not draining because it is wrong but rather because the attitudes of so many lack an awe of God and a love for Israel. It is so hard to try to explain to people at church what my experience was like. I can't fully explain it because they will not fully grasp it.
With all of this I have come to this conclusion: I am in culture shock...in America. So much is different. So much is off base. So much is not where I feel it should be. Yet so much is just not Israel. My heart has been changed. I have been made new. Israel is where my restoration happened. Jerusalem is where I met God. It is not America that is the issue nor is it my church. Yes there are things that I feel should be different, however, I am new and not numb. Returning home will take to adjust and settle. But I will not forget. I cannot forget. Israel was the end of my beginning. So as I drive around New Jersey, as I sit in my church, as I lay on my diving board gazing at the stars, I will remember. Those moments that shaped me- I will remember. That country that changed me, I will remember. God that met me- I will remember.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Thursday, April 16, 2009
God Of This City
You're the God of this City
You're the King of these people
You're the Lord of this nation
You are
You're the Light in this darkness
You're the Hope to the hopeless
You're the Peace to the restless
You are
There is no one like our God
There is no one like our God
For greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this City
Greater thing have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this City
[This is a powerful song by Chris Tomlin]
You're the King of these people
You're the Lord of this nation
You are
You're the Light in this darkness
You're the Hope to the hopeless
You're the Peace to the restless
You are
There is no one like our God
There is no one like our God
For greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this City
Greater thing have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this City
[This is a powerful song by Chris Tomlin]
Friday, April 10, 2009
Stones Witness to the Glory
Suffering. The Via Dolorosa. Pain. Anguish. It begins at the old Fort Antonio. Today it stands as representation to the procession of the cross. Condemned. A death to which was undeserved. Crucify. The very crowds that cheered for his presence. A glorious entry. Praised. Honored.
Betrayed. Turned to the law and broken. Jesus stood in Fort Antonio to hear a verdict of his life. His destiny was death. Nothing less. Today standing there helped me to picture that moment of defeat. Today thousands of pilgrims from around the world stood in the courtyard of Fort Antonio-now an Arabic school- singing songs to Christ. The masses stood in place of those from two thousand years ago. I could only imagine the horror from then. Screaming. Cheering. Condemning. We followed the procession for a little while, however, the crowds almost became too much to manage.
Once we finally made it out of the procession we found our way back to our guesthouse. Soon thereafter a friend and I went back to the Garden Tomb. Today was a day for reflection, meditation, and prayer. I needed it all. Overcome by peace, I was able to rest in the His arms. I cried some tears of joy. No weeping. Just peace. Beautiful peace.
Good Friday- this Friday- two thousand years ago. At the ninth hour- 3pm- Christ died. His last breath. Gone. Darkness came. It rested in the sky. Hovering. Waiting. In the Garden today, that darkness has gone. It turned cloudy at one point, showing me a darkness. But today I focused on joy. I rejoiced in the Glory of Christ risen. The flowers dance to the wind. The birds sing. The stones, present 2000 years ago, remain. If this Garden was the tomb of Christ, those stones are witnesses to that Glory.
Betrayed. Turned to the law and broken. Jesus stood in Fort Antonio to hear a verdict of his life. His destiny was death. Nothing less. Today standing there helped me to picture that moment of defeat. Today thousands of pilgrims from around the world stood in the courtyard of Fort Antonio-now an Arabic school- singing songs to Christ. The masses stood in place of those from two thousand years ago. I could only imagine the horror from then. Screaming. Cheering. Condemning. We followed the procession for a little while, however, the crowds almost became too much to manage.
Once we finally made it out of the procession we found our way back to our guesthouse. Soon thereafter a friend and I went back to the Garden Tomb. Today was a day for reflection, meditation, and prayer. I needed it all. Overcome by peace, I was able to rest in the His arms. I cried some tears of joy. No weeping. Just peace. Beautiful peace.
Good Friday- this Friday- two thousand years ago. At the ninth hour- 3pm- Christ died. His last breath. Gone. Darkness came. It rested in the sky. Hovering. Waiting. In the Garden today, that darkness has gone. It turned cloudy at one point, showing me a darkness. But today I focused on joy. I rejoiced in the Glory of Christ risen. The flowers dance to the wind. The birds sing. The stones, present 2000 years ago, remain. If this Garden was the tomb of Christ, those stones are witnesses to that Glory.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
I dance. Resurrected.
After the Garden Tomb last night, our group had a foot washing. Now granted this was not my first time experiencing a foot washing. In all actuality I think I have had too many foot washing services, however most of which lacking focus on Christ and his purpose. Each time, for the most part, was portrayed with focus of the person giving the washing- not Christ. I almost wish last night would have been the first time I have ever experienced a foot washing. It was moving. It was beautiful.
I wept.
We sang acoustic worship while the water basin was passed from person to person [on the right]. Something key about the idea of a foot washing service, is that if the focus is not on Christ at all times, then it is completely in vain. Christ washed his disciples' feet. This we know. But something I had never thought of before last night was the fact that Jesus first saw his disciples and their dirty feet. He then saw an empty basin. Opportunity. He saw it. He took it. Acting as a slave- a servant- he took off his outer clothing. He knelt at the feet of each disciple. Knowing that Judas was already filled with the a spirit of Satan, he STILL washed his feet. He still gave him honor though it wasn't due. The disciples, especially Peter, were not willing to let Christ wash their feet. It was only after Christ said that they could have no part of him without it, that they allowed for him to wash them.
During the foot washing I prayed...prayed for so many things. I feel free from my past. But I also worry for things to come. Uncertainty. So much of what I felt I cannot explain. Simply, I don't know entirely why but I was weeping. I was overcome by something. As soon as the foot washing ended I ran upstairs, grabbed my ipod and went to the rooftop balcony. Tears burst forth from my eyes. A weeping I have never known. I wanted more of God. I could feel his presence in a completely new way. Then I did something out of my comfort zone. I danced. I got up, smiling, and began to dance on the roof. I know it sounds ridiculous. I don't care. I felt a need to dance. So I did. Like David, I danced in Jerusalem, undignified before my God. I loved it. Alive! I danced! Resurrected!
I wept.
We sang acoustic worship while the water basin was passed from person to person [on the right]. Something key about the idea of a foot washing service, is that if the focus is not on Christ at all times, then it is completely in vain. Christ washed his disciples' feet. This we know. But something I had never thought of before last night was the fact that Jesus first saw his disciples and their dirty feet. He then saw an empty basin. Opportunity. He saw it. He took it. Acting as a slave- a servant- he took off his outer clothing. He knelt at the feet of each disciple. Knowing that Judas was already filled with the a spirit of Satan, he STILL washed his feet. He still gave him honor though it wasn't due. The disciples, especially Peter, were not willing to let Christ wash their feet. It was only after Christ said that they could have no part of him without it, that they allowed for him to wash them.
During the foot washing I prayed...prayed for so many things. I feel free from my past. But I also worry for things to come. Uncertainty. So much of what I felt I cannot explain. Simply, I don't know entirely why but I was weeping. I was overcome by something. As soon as the foot washing ended I ran upstairs, grabbed my ipod and went to the rooftop balcony. Tears burst forth from my eyes. A weeping I have never known. I wanted more of God. I could feel his presence in a completely new way. Then I did something out of my comfort zone. I danced. I got up, smiling, and began to dance on the roof. I know it sounds ridiculous. I don't care. I felt a need to dance. So I did. Like David, I danced in Jerusalem, undignified before my God. I loved it. Alive! I danced! Resurrected!
Empty and Risen
I just experienced the greatest moment of peace in my life. We went to the Garden Tomb in Jerusalem. It is a site that many believe is the actual tomb and resurrection place of Christ. It very well could be, however the staff of the Garden Tomb will not tell you that it is for certain the tomb of Christ. Many factors suggest that it could be the tomb: it is right outside the city [old city] by the Damascus gate and near a main road. The tomb found is near a cliff that is said to be Golgotha, the place of Christ's death. The tomb itself is found in an old vineyard, which would follow with the idea of Joseph of Arimethia burying Jesus.
Whether that tomb is the actual tomb of Christ, it stands as a symbol of Christ's resurrection regardless. The area enclosed allows for meditation and prayer undisturbed from the rest of Jerusalem. I sat and thought of so much. I first thought of the things I have done; the reasons for Christ dying. Then I smiled. I still am smiling. I remember Christ's death and I recognize him as being my savior, but without his resurrection, nothing would matter. This empty tomb was beautiful. It reminded me that my Lord, though crucified, rose again, declaring the Glory of God! It shows me so much about myself. As I wrote previously, I have been emptied. Now I am alive again. I would simply be nothing without this beautiful story of love...of resurrection. The tomb now empty because my Lord has risen. I smile. I laugh. I breathe. I can live. Risen.
Whether that tomb is the actual tomb of Christ, it stands as a symbol of Christ's resurrection regardless. The area enclosed allows for meditation and prayer undisturbed from the rest of Jerusalem. I sat and thought of so much. I first thought of the things I have done; the reasons for Christ dying. Then I smiled. I still am smiling. I remember Christ's death and I recognize him as being my savior, but without his resurrection, nothing would matter. This empty tomb was beautiful. It reminded me that my Lord, though crucified, rose again, declaring the Glory of God! It shows me so much about myself. As I wrote previously, I have been emptied. Now I am alive again. I would simply be nothing without this beautiful story of love...of resurrection. The tomb now empty because my Lord has risen. I smile. I laugh. I breathe. I can live. Risen.
A Day Around Jerusalem
[Written for 3/8/09]
Beginning of the Holy Week here in Jerusalem, I knew that the rest of our trip would be vastly different. Today began Pesach or the Passover for the Jews. Sunday, Palm Sunday, began the Holy Week for Catholics and Christians around the world. We began today by walking in the feet of Jesus by taking the Via Dolorosa. From the East Gate of the Temple Mount through the Old City to the Church of the Holy Sepulcher. The path through the city has now been made part of the markets. Cars nearly hit walkers. It was hardly the walk I would have imagined Christ walking in his final hours. But then I realized something to put into my limited perspective. In the times of Christ, the streets would have been filled with some form of a market, sheep, donkeys, camels, children, beggars...chaos and noise. Jesus walking through the streets carrying a cross would have been an example to the people to not rebel against Rome or the Pharisees. Disrespect. Disgrace. Shame. Humilation. Jesus felt all.
But then our walk of the Via Dolorosa ended at the Church of the Holy Sepulcher. Aggravation. Irriation. Annoyance. Frustration. I felt these things. This church decorated with gold, candles, mosaics, paintings, and crowds of people were beyond ridiculous. This church, to many, stands on the exact location of the burial and resurrection site of Christ. One could hardly tell. All I could see were the crowds pushing one another. Angry Christians. Rude Christians. Pushing their way to kiss a rock that they think Jesus was anointed on. It is very hard for me to believe that this church stands on the site of the world's greatest darkness...and victory. I feel there is more to it than what I saw. Yet though I think there is more, I do not feel the necessity for the complexity I saw in this church.
We continued on our day, trying to think of Christ through the decorated Lord. The rest of the day was more fun and cultural then orthodox. We walked 5 miles to our tour guide's house. Yes 5 miles. But honestly it was well worth it. Eli, our tour guide, hosted us for a somewhat touristic Passover sader. Eli and his family made some of the traditional foods for our sader, while we lounged in a triclinium design. It was a lot of fun to learn and experience a Jewish sader. Of course at the end of the ceremony we had to walk the 5 miles back to our guesthouse. The walking was well worth it. Tonight, however, we got to experience a Jewish sader that recognizes Christ as the Messiah. I loved it! Today was an incredible day!
Beginning of the Holy Week here in Jerusalem, I knew that the rest of our trip would be vastly different. Today began Pesach or the Passover for the Jews. Sunday, Palm Sunday, began the Holy Week for Catholics and Christians around the world. We began today by walking in the feet of Jesus by taking the Via Dolorosa. From the East Gate of the Temple Mount through the Old City to the Church of the Holy Sepulcher. The path through the city has now been made part of the markets. Cars nearly hit walkers. It was hardly the walk I would have imagined Christ walking in his final hours. But then I realized something to put into my limited perspective. In the times of Christ, the streets would have been filled with some form of a market, sheep, donkeys, camels, children, beggars...chaos and noise. Jesus walking through the streets carrying a cross would have been an example to the people to not rebel against Rome or the Pharisees. Disrespect. Disgrace. Shame. Humilation. Jesus felt all.
But then our walk of the Via Dolorosa ended at the Church of the Holy Sepulcher. Aggravation. Irriation. Annoyance. Frustration. I felt these things. This church decorated with gold, candles, mosaics, paintings, and crowds of people were beyond ridiculous. This church, to many, stands on the exact location of the burial and resurrection site of Christ. One could hardly tell. All I could see were the crowds pushing one another. Angry Christians. Rude Christians. Pushing their way to kiss a rock that they think Jesus was anointed on. It is very hard for me to believe that this church stands on the site of the world's greatest darkness...and victory. I feel there is more to it than what I saw. Yet though I think there is more, I do not feel the necessity for the complexity I saw in this church.
We continued on our day, trying to think of Christ through the decorated Lord. The rest of the day was more fun and cultural then orthodox. We walked 5 miles to our tour guide's house. Yes 5 miles. But honestly it was well worth it. Eli, our tour guide, hosted us for a somewhat touristic Passover sader. Eli and his family made some of the traditional foods for our sader, while we lounged in a triclinium design. It was a lot of fun to learn and experience a Jewish sader. Of course at the end of the ceremony we had to walk the 5 miles back to our guesthouse. The walking was well worth it. Tonight, however, we got to experience a Jewish sader that recognizes Christ as the Messiah. I loved it! Today was an incredible day!
Emptied Heart Yet Alive
[Taken from my other blog "reflections."]
In Israel, I have found myself. But every step of the way has been a path of brokenness. Beautiful brokenness. I have figured out so much about who I am. I have been a girl, insecure about who I was. I have portrayed confidence yet wearing a mask. I have been terrified with the fact that I am graduating in December and have no idea what comes next. This idea of growth and maturity into the reality of adulthood is rather frightening. I was brokenhearted, insecure, and uncertain. I had to empty my heart to be free. Poured out and broken, I allowed for God to meet me. Here in Israel I have found myself at his feet. Like the woman washing the feet of Christ. Weeping. Tears running down. Vulnerable. Transparent. Me.
I emptied all that I was for all that he could do in my life. I feel so free. I feel liberated from my past of pain. Fulfilled and alive for the first time really ever, I want to dance. Dance in the victory of a battle won. Singing. Shouting. ALIVE! I want to scream on the hilltops of Jerusalem. Restored! Israel, this Holy Land, has been God's way of showing me his love. The sunrise is stunning. The stars in the desert of breathtaking. The people are his chosen ones. The Temple will be rebuilt. From Galilee to En Gedi, this land reveals the purpose and promise of God. It has emptied me. He has emptied me. Entirely. I am done. I am new. ALIVE! I smile. I breathe. I dance. I sing. I shout. I am...
ready, ready to be. Ready.
In Israel, I have found myself. But every step of the way has been a path of brokenness. Beautiful brokenness. I have figured out so much about who I am. I have been a girl, insecure about who I was. I have portrayed confidence yet wearing a mask. I have been terrified with the fact that I am graduating in December and have no idea what comes next. This idea of growth and maturity into the reality of adulthood is rather frightening. I was brokenhearted, insecure, and uncertain. I had to empty my heart to be free. Poured out and broken, I allowed for God to meet me. Here in Israel I have found myself at his feet. Like the woman washing the feet of Christ. Weeping. Tears running down. Vulnerable. Transparent. Me.
I emptied all that I was for all that he could do in my life. I feel so free. I feel liberated from my past of pain. Fulfilled and alive for the first time really ever, I want to dance. Dance in the victory of a battle won. Singing. Shouting. ALIVE! I want to scream on the hilltops of Jerusalem. Restored! Israel, this Holy Land, has been God's way of showing me his love. The sunrise is stunning. The stars in the desert of breathtaking. The people are his chosen ones. The Temple will be rebuilt. From Galilee to En Gedi, this land reveals the purpose and promise of God. It has emptied me. He has emptied me. Entirely. I am done. I am new. ALIVE! I smile. I breathe. I dance. I sing. I shout. I am...
ready, ready to be. Ready.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
A Day of Relaxation
[Written for 3/7/09]
Today was an incredible and mostly relaxing day! We went to a Crusader Castle. I thought it was pretty cool- but at the same time it was somewhat disturbing. The architecture of the castle was amazing. But what got to me, again, is the fact that the crusaders fought in the name of God. Just being on site was breathtaking but aggravated me in regards to the reason for the crusader presence in Israel. However the view of from the castle was absolutely stunning!
After the Crusader Castle our group grabbed lunch at Beit Shean. Beit Shean was one of the most incredible sights I have ever seen. The ruins of Beit Shean are from the once extravegant Roman city. Next to Pompeii, Beit Shean is one of the greatest archaeological discoveries of any city ruins. It was amazing! It was cool to try to imagine the city in its glory.
In the afternoon we relaxed at a spring nearby the ruins of Beit Shean. It was definitely needed relaxation. Fresh water spring. 80 degree water. The spring was the perfect temperature. I had fun diving in off the rocks and swimming to the bottom of the spring, which was rather deep. Grabbing ice cream and lemonade, I was satisfied with a great day. We quickly made a stop to Gideon's Spring which was an interesting experience with our group.
Overall the day was incredible and very relaxing!
Today was an incredible and mostly relaxing day! We went to a Crusader Castle. I thought it was pretty cool- but at the same time it was somewhat disturbing. The architecture of the castle was amazing. But what got to me, again, is the fact that the crusaders fought in the name of God. Just being on site was breathtaking but aggravated me in regards to the reason for the crusader presence in Israel. However the view of from the castle was absolutely stunning!
After the Crusader Castle our group grabbed lunch at Beit Shean. Beit Shean was one of the most incredible sights I have ever seen. The ruins of Beit Shean are from the once extravegant Roman city. Next to Pompeii, Beit Shean is one of the greatest archaeological discoveries of any city ruins. It was amazing! It was cool to try to imagine the city in its glory.
In the afternoon we relaxed at a spring nearby the ruins of Beit Shean. It was definitely needed relaxation. Fresh water spring. 80 degree water. The spring was the perfect temperature. I had fun diving in off the rocks and swimming to the bottom of the spring, which was rather deep. Grabbing ice cream and lemonade, I was satisfied with a great day. We quickly made a stop to Gideon's Spring which was an interesting experience with our group.
Overall the day was incredible and very relaxing!
Monday, April 6, 2009
Sunrise
This morning was beautiful. Standing on the rooftop balcony of our guesthouse, I watched the early sunrise. A gentle mist rested in the sky. The hills- the Mt. Olives- were just a simple silhouette with a blue backdrop. The Dome of the Rock began to glisten in the light. Jerusalem was coming to life for another day.
Seeing this beautiful site, I cannot help but stand in awe of the Glory of God. He created this beauty. He has so much for my life- it is like the sun rising for another day above the horizon. Its assurance that He is God deserving all the honor.
Seeing this beautiful site, I cannot help but stand in awe of the Glory of God. He created this beauty. He has so much for my life- it is like the sun rising for another day above the horizon. Its assurance that He is God deserving all the honor.
Religion And What We've Made It To Be
[Written for 3/3/09]
I want to be honest. I feel like so much of my faith has been spoon fed to me where I have done nothing but eat. I have taken in what I have been told without truly figuring out all for myself. At church during fast songs you clap your hands and sometimes dance. During slower "worship" songs you raise your hands and close your eyes. A typical service consists of announcements, a 30-minute worship set and an hour sermon. Some time during that set tithes/offerings, special music, and communion are done.
Its a ritual.
It was when I got to college that I began to find God in new ways. It was when I arrived here in Israel that I no longer will view religion, regardless of denomination or name, the same. I can't. I refuse. I have seen Orthodox Jews worship GOD with such reverence and honor. They have obedience and discipline for the law. They know little else. Muslims here pray five times a day. We here the mosques resound the "call to prayer" and we know that Muslims everywhere stop and pray toward Mecca.
Friday morning we heard a believer in Yeshua [Jesus] speak about religions and what we can do. Friday night we heard a once Orthodox Jewish man speak about his experience of finding Yeshua as the Messiah. Both speakers brought forth something to my attention that I had never been fully aware of before. Christians throughout the last 2000 years have done wrong. We took the idea of Jesus as the Messiah [mind he was Jewish!] and made it into its own religion. We have created man-made rituals and laws that have dictated our arrogance to the rest of the world. Crusaders destroyed Israel in the name of God because the Muslims were wrong. For some reason, they felt a special right to the land. The Holocaust came and Christianity as a whole did nothing, though individuals did. As a religion we have made this idea of Christ into our own context.
I look at the American church more than anything. I see this church style that I have been raised- in no way am I trying to belittle the church. But I realize something so crucial to my own faith. We lack reverence and awe of God. I see these other religions here and they have complete honor for God. Yet everyone in American churches treat God solely as a best friend, or comforter, though true, but we cannot forget that God is GOD! He is the Creater, the ruler, the One that can bring his wrath in a moment but reveal his love too. He is more than deserving of honor, yet we forget too often to revere him.
I do not want a religion that makes the Bible fit into the perfect mold of Christianity. If anything, Christianity must try to see the Law, the Torah- the scriptures from the focus of Israel and the Jewish people. I want to love and honor God the way he intended me to. I want to be disciplined and fear God. But I refuse to return home to normality and forget what I have learned. Arrogance as a Christian is ridiculous. We have absolutely no reason to be arrogant. Treating God only as a best friend and not a Father or Creator lacks honor and respect. I am figuring out my faith for myself- I want faith in the raw and not some creation of man.
I want to be honest. I feel like so much of my faith has been spoon fed to me where I have done nothing but eat. I have taken in what I have been told without truly figuring out all for myself. At church during fast songs you clap your hands and sometimes dance. During slower "worship" songs you raise your hands and close your eyes. A typical service consists of announcements, a 30-minute worship set and an hour sermon. Some time during that set tithes/offerings, special music, and communion are done.
Its a ritual.
It was when I got to college that I began to find God in new ways. It was when I arrived here in Israel that I no longer will view religion, regardless of denomination or name, the same. I can't. I refuse. I have seen Orthodox Jews worship GOD with such reverence and honor. They have obedience and discipline for the law. They know little else. Muslims here pray five times a day. We here the mosques resound the "call to prayer" and we know that Muslims everywhere stop and pray toward Mecca.
Friday morning we heard a believer in Yeshua [Jesus] speak about religions and what we can do. Friday night we heard a once Orthodox Jewish man speak about his experience of finding Yeshua as the Messiah. Both speakers brought forth something to my attention that I had never been fully aware of before. Christians throughout the last 2000 years have done wrong. We took the idea of Jesus as the Messiah [mind he was Jewish!] and made it into its own religion. We have created man-made rituals and laws that have dictated our arrogance to the rest of the world. Crusaders destroyed Israel in the name of God because the Muslims were wrong. For some reason, they felt a special right to the land. The Holocaust came and Christianity as a whole did nothing, though individuals did. As a religion we have made this idea of Christ into our own context.
I look at the American church more than anything. I see this church style that I have been raised- in no way am I trying to belittle the church. But I realize something so crucial to my own faith. We lack reverence and awe of God. I see these other religions here and they have complete honor for God. Yet everyone in American churches treat God solely as a best friend, or comforter, though true, but we cannot forget that God is GOD! He is the Creater, the ruler, the One that can bring his wrath in a moment but reveal his love too. He is more than deserving of honor, yet we forget too often to revere him.
I do not want a religion that makes the Bible fit into the perfect mold of Christianity. If anything, Christianity must try to see the Law, the Torah- the scriptures from the focus of Israel and the Jewish people. I want to love and honor God the way he intended me to. I want to be disciplined and fear God. But I refuse to return home to normality and forget what I have learned. Arrogance as a Christian is ridiculous. We have absolutely no reason to be arrogant. Treating God only as a best friend and not a Father or Creator lacks honor and respect. I am figuring out my faith for myself- I want faith in the raw and not some creation of man.
Darkness Meant For Me
Caiaphas' House. Now resting on site is yet another church marking the site of that which was deemed holy. Until now, the churches built on these sites distract from the purpose of the visit. They decorate the site to ultimately bring attention to their purpose rather than the actual event that occurred. But this, this was different. This was a beautiful church, however in its simplicity. We entered in to what was a normal church with the remnants of a bedrock and caves in the main chapel. As we walked around the site, we went below...to the dungeon. I could not have imagined what I was about to see. To feel. To touch.
We made our way to the caves below. It was a place where prisoners of the Pharisees were held. The Pharisees [the religious leaders for the Jews that held a lot of power] would take their prisoners and chain them to the cave walls. Caiaphas had been the Chief Priest- the main Pharisee during the time of Jesus. On the eve of Christ's death, he had been arrested in the Garden of Gethsemane and taken to Caiaphas' House. Outside of Caiaphas' house, Jesus had to face an obstacle. The hillside in front of the house was decorated with steps. Those very steps Christ had to walk up. I imagine him having already been beaten and bruised. He was already weak and weary. Those steps were long. After having made it to the house of Caiaphas, Jesus was then taken below...to the darkness.
As I wrote above, the dungeon was beneath Caiaphas' house. But Jesus was not held in the dungeon exactly. Instead he was treated worse. He was taken to the empty cistern. While we stood in the cistern, I couldn't help but begin to cry. We sang "Father I adore you" and the voices echoed off the stone. Standing in silence, I felt cold. I was cold because of where we were, not the cave, but the darkness. Light was limited. Jesus was alone. Left broken in the cistern, Jesus was alone. All I could do was picture Jesus, broken, cold, bruised and bleeding weeping and crying out to the Father. For hours he was in this darkness. I gently touched the stones and the floor trying to understand.
I walked outside in contemplative silence. Finding myself on a column, I wept. So many distractions were around, therefore I moved to a wall away from the group. I wept still...broken. I moved, for the final time to the bottom of the steps. Nearby were the ruins of other caves of the dungeons- I sat inside one. Alone. Weeping. Somehow I was trying to make sense of everything. I was trying to grasp everything. Tears mixed with joy and sorrow ran down my face. The steps, the caves, that cistern, the darkness...was for me. Christ endured those steps broken to the caves beneath. He was alone in a dark cistern, weeping to the Father...for me. The Lord- Jesus- endured everything, and this was only the beginning, for the purpose of saving me. I wept more. The darkness, pain, scorn and shame that was afflicted upon him was all meant for me.
We made our way to the caves below. It was a place where prisoners of the Pharisees were held. The Pharisees [the religious leaders for the Jews that held a lot of power] would take their prisoners and chain them to the cave walls. Caiaphas had been the Chief Priest- the main Pharisee during the time of Jesus. On the eve of Christ's death, he had been arrested in the Garden of Gethsemane and taken to Caiaphas' House. Outside of Caiaphas' house, Jesus had to face an obstacle. The hillside in front of the house was decorated with steps. Those very steps Christ had to walk up. I imagine him having already been beaten and bruised. He was already weak and weary. Those steps were long. After having made it to the house of Caiaphas, Jesus was then taken below...to the darkness.
As I wrote above, the dungeon was beneath Caiaphas' house. But Jesus was not held in the dungeon exactly. Instead he was treated worse. He was taken to the empty cistern. While we stood in the cistern, I couldn't help but begin to cry. We sang "Father I adore you" and the voices echoed off the stone. Standing in silence, I felt cold. I was cold because of where we were, not the cave, but the darkness. Light was limited. Jesus was alone. Left broken in the cistern, Jesus was alone. All I could do was picture Jesus, broken, cold, bruised and bleeding weeping and crying out to the Father. For hours he was in this darkness. I gently touched the stones and the floor trying to understand.
I walked outside in contemplative silence. Finding myself on a column, I wept. So many distractions were around, therefore I moved to a wall away from the group. I wept still...broken. I moved, for the final time to the bottom of the steps. Nearby were the ruins of other caves of the dungeons- I sat inside one. Alone. Weeping. Somehow I was trying to make sense of everything. I was trying to grasp everything. Tears mixed with joy and sorrow ran down my face. The steps, the caves, that cistern, the darkness...was for me. Christ endured those steps broken to the caves beneath. He was alone in a dark cistern, weeping to the Father...for me. The Lord- Jesus- endured everything, and this was only the beginning, for the purpose of saving me. I wept more. The darkness, pain, scorn and shame that was afflicted upon him was all meant for me.
Written for 3/2/09
Today we got to visit a few incredible things. We started our day off by planting trees. Okay so that sounds weird or out of place, but the point was to add to Israel. We each planted trees, therefore 43 new trees are growing. We have left something behind in Israel. We made a difference. It was honestly so fulfilling! I loved it! Afterward we left to go to the Parliament of Israel which is called the Knesset. The main purpose for visiting the Knesset was to become aware of the politics and way of government in Israel- understanding that helps the process of understanding the people. It was interesting, though not my favorite part of the day. If anything it showed me that the prophetic words about Israel are coming to pass. After the Knesset we went to the Old City for lunch. Shortly thereafter, we headed to something that would change my life forever. For that, I am writing it in the next post.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Exhausted
It has been so exhausting the past two days. Because I am so tired, I will briefly write what we have done the past two days. Yesterday morning we went to the Temple Mount in Jerusalem. It was breathtaking. Walking into the Temple Mount security was high and modesty a necessity. We stepped through the large doorways and arches into the Temple courts. However, one important thing was different. The Temple that was once a site where sacrifice was prominent for the Jewish people has become a shrine for Islam. A golden dome rises high above all else representing and name the Temple Mount as a place for the Muslims. Five times a day a call to prayer resonates throughout Jerusalem, especially on the Temple Mount. Devote Muslims will kneel and gently touch their head to the floor multiple times. This is a sign a of true devotion to Allah and Muhammad, his prophet. During our visit to the Temple Mount we had to make sure we had completed our tour by 10 am for the purpose of not disturbing the second call to prayer for the Muslims.
So we continued around the courts of the Temple Mount. In the view we could see the Dome of the Rock as well as the Aqsa Mosque in front of it. The Dome stands high and extravagant. The Aqsa Mosque is deep black in color lacking much decoration. Trees had been planted all over the courts, whereas during the 1st and 2nd Temple periods, no vegetation had been on the Temple Mount. Visitors from all around the world walk around the courts in awe of the history. But many also walk around and think of what is to come. The 3rd Temple. Jews all around the world believe the their Messiah will come and Israel will be restored. Part of that restoration includes the rebuilding of the final temple...the 3rd Temple. Peace will reign. Many Christians believe that the idea of the 3rd Temple is more spiritual then physical and literal. Honestly, I have no idea what to think. All I know is that prophetically God will restore this land and these people. His name will be known among the nations. He has more than enough power to physically rebuild a new temple. I leave it to God. In my mere human comprehension I cannot say what will happen. I can give, like others, a guess and an opinion. That is it.
After the Temple Mount, we left and ate lunch at the Mount of Olives. It was a gorgeous site to look at. We had a beautiful view of the Old City and the Temple. While we were on the Mount of Olives we did hear a call to prayer of the Muslims. That was definitely interesting to hear while looking at the Temple Mount. I contemplated the future and history of Israel- the Jews, the Christians, the Muslims- and all I could do was to think of the fact that the glory of God will be revealed when He desires.
We then left the Mount of Olives and went a few miles away where we participated in an archaeology dig. I was somewhat angry at the reason behind our dig. The Muslims years ago dug underneath the Temple Mount so they could create room for a new Mosque. In that process they destroyed thousands of years of history with bulldozers and shovels. Everything they dug up was broken and beaten. Some of it was even destroyed. To make it worse they used dump trucks to remove the piles of rubble into the Kidron Valley. That is why I was angry. The Muslims had no care at all to what they were destroying. Archaeologists finally were allowed to remove the piles of reuined history about one mile away into a field. Pile after pile, these archaeologists sift through to try to find substaintial pieces of history- pottery, coins, jewelry, etc. Our group assisted in the sifting through these piles. A few coins were found along with some buttons and arrow heads. Mosiac tiles and glass were also found. The point and purpose of this project is to reveal more about what lies beneath the Dome of the Rock and the Temple Mount. The dig was however exciting and intriguing. It was an incredible feeling to know that I was helping to uncover history of Israel.
So we continued around the courts of the Temple Mount. In the view we could see the Dome of the Rock as well as the Aqsa Mosque in front of it. The Dome stands high and extravagant. The Aqsa Mosque is deep black in color lacking much decoration. Trees had been planted all over the courts, whereas during the 1st and 2nd Temple periods, no vegetation had been on the Temple Mount. Visitors from all around the world walk around the courts in awe of the history. But many also walk around and think of what is to come. The 3rd Temple. Jews all around the world believe the their Messiah will come and Israel will be restored. Part of that restoration includes the rebuilding of the final temple...the 3rd Temple. Peace will reign. Many Christians believe that the idea of the 3rd Temple is more spiritual then physical and literal. Honestly, I have no idea what to think. All I know is that prophetically God will restore this land and these people. His name will be known among the nations. He has more than enough power to physically rebuild a new temple. I leave it to God. In my mere human comprehension I cannot say what will happen. I can give, like others, a guess and an opinion. That is it.
After the Temple Mount, we left and ate lunch at the Mount of Olives. It was a gorgeous site to look at. We had a beautiful view of the Old City and the Temple. While we were on the Mount of Olives we did hear a call to prayer of the Muslims. That was definitely interesting to hear while looking at the Temple Mount. I contemplated the future and history of Israel- the Jews, the Christians, the Muslims- and all I could do was to think of the fact that the glory of God will be revealed when He desires.
We then left the Mount of Olives and went a few miles away where we participated in an archaeology dig. I was somewhat angry at the reason behind our dig. The Muslims years ago dug underneath the Temple Mount so they could create room for a new Mosque. In that process they destroyed thousands of years of history with bulldozers and shovels. Everything they dug up was broken and beaten. Some of it was even destroyed. To make it worse they used dump trucks to remove the piles of rubble into the Kidron Valley. That is why I was angry. The Muslims had no care at all to what they were destroying. Archaeologists finally were allowed to remove the piles of reuined history about one mile away into a field. Pile after pile, these archaeologists sift through to try to find substaintial pieces of history- pottery, coins, jewelry, etc. Our group assisted in the sifting through these piles. A few coins were found along with some buttons and arrow heads. Mosiac tiles and glass were also found. The point and purpose of this project is to reveal more about what lies beneath the Dome of the Rock and the Temple Mount. The dig was however exciting and intriguing. It was an incredible feeling to know that I was helping to uncover history of Israel.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Strange and New
I hate this, this feeling when everything is going well, yet for some reason you cannot grasp it. I finally am happy. I am finally over my last relationship. I am free from myself. I see myself the way God does. I am so ready for where God is taking me, even though I am surrounded by uncertainty. I have amazing friends. Even though I am in Israel now, I still feel strange. I am not sure if I even have words to explain this feeling. I watch people on this trip and God is doing wonders in our lives. I am so blessed, I really am. Don't get me wrong, I love being here and I am happy with my life right now.
But I have deep feeling inside of me that is strange and foreign. Maybe it is a combination of weariness and brokenness. Maybe I am overwhelmed by this beautiful land. But I think it is different still. I want more. I want more than what I have settled for back home. This land is mysterious yet beautiful. Wonders beyond my comprehension have happened here. Yet back home I have settle for the mediocrity of America. I am done. I am sick of it. I honestly love America, I do, but the attitude of my people is far from what I want. Even looking at people on this trip, I am aggravated. I see the students on this trip settling for the complacency of their faith rather than learning from the people here. They complain. The couples on this trip seem to only argue. This attitude is beyond draining.
And I remember myself. I have seen a transformation in my life since I have been here. But if I refuse to change my ways back home, than I am a hypocrite. I never want to forget what I have seen or done here...what I have tasted and learned. My attitude must be different. My mouth and tongue must speak love and life rather than condemnation. My eyes must see through His eyes. This feeling is so bizarre to me because I have never before felt this burdened in this way. I am burdened by what I have become. I am burdened by the people around me. I am burdened by everything back home. But these burdens do not rest on my heart but at his feet. It is not a feeling that I lack faith or trust in who God is. But rather, since I have been here, I have learned so much from these burdens and what God is doing. I am finally open. I am finally beautifully broken. I wish I could place within in words all that is running through my mind. It is impossible. All I know is that, because of my pilgrimage to Israel, I am in love with God in a brand new way. I am changing all that I am so that I might glorify Him. That I might honor Him. I trust that he will provide all that I need, however in His time. I know God will bring the right man He has for me when He sees that it is the time. I am no longer troubled by the next year of uncertainty in my life. This feeling is strange and new, but I embrace the beauty of change.
But I have deep feeling inside of me that is strange and foreign. Maybe it is a combination of weariness and brokenness. Maybe I am overwhelmed by this beautiful land. But I think it is different still. I want more. I want more than what I have settled for back home. This land is mysterious yet beautiful. Wonders beyond my comprehension have happened here. Yet back home I have settle for the mediocrity of America. I am done. I am sick of it. I honestly love America, I do, but the attitude of my people is far from what I want. Even looking at people on this trip, I am aggravated. I see the students on this trip settling for the complacency of their faith rather than learning from the people here. They complain. The couples on this trip seem to only argue. This attitude is beyond draining.
And I remember myself. I have seen a transformation in my life since I have been here. But if I refuse to change my ways back home, than I am a hypocrite. I never want to forget what I have seen or done here...what I have tasted and learned. My attitude must be different. My mouth and tongue must speak love and life rather than condemnation. My eyes must see through His eyes. This feeling is so bizarre to me because I have never before felt this burdened in this way. I am burdened by what I have become. I am burdened by the people around me. I am burdened by everything back home. But these burdens do not rest on my heart but at his feet. It is not a feeling that I lack faith or trust in who God is. But rather, since I have been here, I have learned so much from these burdens and what God is doing. I am finally open. I am finally beautifully broken. I wish I could place within in words all that is running through my mind. It is impossible. All I know is that, because of my pilgrimage to Israel, I am in love with God in a brand new way. I am changing all that I am so that I might glorify Him. That I might honor Him. I trust that he will provide all that I need, however in His time. I know God will bring the right man He has for me when He sees that it is the time. I am no longer troubled by the next year of uncertainty in my life. This feeling is strange and new, but I embrace the beauty of change.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
En Gedi
I run.
Broken and scared,
I hide.
I yearn for relief.
For rest.
I try to find peace,
But I am besieged by enemies.
Surrounded
I feel alone.
Weary and dry
this desert is slowly,
bitterly draining this life.
I listen.
Carefully
to the gentle rush of water.
A spring of life is near.
Restore.
Springs of En Gedi revive
the desert is beauty in oasis.
Flourish.
A renewed spirit of breath.
A soft breeze.
Glisten of hope.
I hear the shout of He who is greater.
Fear ceased.
a genesis begins.
On this rock, I sit
Alive.
Broken and scared,
I hide.
I yearn for relief.
For rest.
I try to find peace,
But I am besieged by enemies.
Surrounded
I feel alone.
Weary and dry
this desert is slowly,
bitterly draining this life.
I listen.
Carefully
to the gentle rush of water.
A spring of life is near.
Restore.
Springs of En Gedi revive
the desert is beauty in oasis.
Flourish.
A renewed spirit of breath.
A soft breeze.
Glisten of hope.
I hear the shout of He who is greater.
Fear ceased.
a genesis begins.
On this rock, I sit
Alive.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Promise in the Sky
I had to write this separately. My mind cannot not cease to think about this. The night we stayed at the Bedouin camp was something I needed for some time. I loved everything, yes, but this one thing touched me greater than anything else on this trip thus far. The stars. Why would the stars matter so much when I can see the stars back at home?
I love the stars. I love to star gaze. It is quite simply my favorite thing to do. I think clearly. I pray. I sing songs to God- songs I just make up and sing from my heart. I have seen the night sky in the mountains, in Florida, at home in Jersey, in Colorado, Alaska, and honestly the list goes on. But this time was very different. I walked away, alone, from the Bedouin camp, leaving all behind- my friends, the warmth, the noise. I walked away alone. I walked to the other side of a hill in the desert. It was dark. All around me remained the rocks and sand on the ground, the hills, the chilly air, and the starry night. I could hear off in the distance a soft sound resounding- the camp.
All I could do was gaze. I could do nothing else. I lost track of time, and frankly I didn't care. I needed escape. I needed solitude. I didn't need it because of something bad or anything like that. But what I found was greater. As I stood there, in the middle of the desert, I gazed at the perfect sky. When I say "perfect sky", I mean it. There were no clouds, no pollution, no planes, and no other lights. I could barely see the light from the camp. Over the hills, I could see some light from Jerusalem. I gazed up into the vast unknown. And that is when it all hit me. I was gazing at the stars, in the same place where Abraham had been. At one point in his life, God told Abraham to look up and count the stars. Those stars would be the number of his descendants. I was blown away. All of my years of star gazing, I finally understood something so profound through my experience. God made a promise- a covenant- to Abraham that he would have descendants. Those stars are the constant reminder. Even further, as I stood there in the desert, the world never felt bigger. I, too, have been wanting a promise of something, however it is something unknown. Those stars remind me also of God's promise in my life and what he is going to do. There is such a big world out there full of the promises God has for me. I wept. I cried out to God for all that I know he has for me. Those stars were beautiful, absolutely stunning. Perfect. God has something so beautiful for me too. I need not worry about my future- my husband, job, finances, or anything else. God is promising me something beautiful. I embrace it.
I love the stars. I love to star gaze. It is quite simply my favorite thing to do. I think clearly. I pray. I sing songs to God- songs I just make up and sing from my heart. I have seen the night sky in the mountains, in Florida, at home in Jersey, in Colorado, Alaska, and honestly the list goes on. But this time was very different. I walked away, alone, from the Bedouin camp, leaving all behind- my friends, the warmth, the noise. I walked away alone. I walked to the other side of a hill in the desert. It was dark. All around me remained the rocks and sand on the ground, the hills, the chilly air, and the starry night. I could hear off in the distance a soft sound resounding- the camp.
All I could do was gaze. I could do nothing else. I lost track of time, and frankly I didn't care. I needed escape. I needed solitude. I didn't need it because of something bad or anything like that. But what I found was greater. As I stood there, in the middle of the desert, I gazed at the perfect sky. When I say "perfect sky", I mean it. There were no clouds, no pollution, no planes, and no other lights. I could barely see the light from the camp. Over the hills, I could see some light from Jerusalem. I gazed up into the vast unknown. And that is when it all hit me. I was gazing at the stars, in the same place where Abraham had been. At one point in his life, God told Abraham to look up and count the stars. Those stars would be the number of his descendants. I was blown away. All of my years of star gazing, I finally understood something so profound through my experience. God made a promise- a covenant- to Abraham that he would have descendants. Those stars are the constant reminder. Even further, as I stood there in the desert, the world never felt bigger. I, too, have been wanting a promise of something, however it is something unknown. Those stars remind me also of God's promise in my life and what he is going to do. There is such a big world out there full of the promises God has for me. I wept. I cried out to God for all that I know he has for me. Those stars were beautiful, absolutely stunning. Perfect. God has something so beautiful for me too. I need not worry about my future- my husband, job, finances, or anything else. God is promising me something beautiful. I embrace it.
Desert Adventures
The past two days have been days full of adventure and exhaustion. Wednesday we awoke early in order to get to Qumran by a decent hour. At Qumran we saw the caves where the Dead Sea Scrolls were located. It was incredible! There were rifts and canyons everywhere. Somehow the Essenes had been able to get from cave to cave. I can’t even imagine it. Shortly after, we went down to the Dead Sea, where we had some time of relaxation. The Dead Sea, being known for its salt content and mud, was definitely an adventure in itself. On the shore of the water, a thick black mud can be found. The mud was a smooth mud rich in minerals, therefore very good for skin and hair. Most students smoothed the mud to their skin. I actually covered my body and face with mud. After washing it all off, my skin was smoother than ever. The Dead Sea water is over 30% salt- we definitely avoided anything that could cause the water to get into our mouths or eyes. Whether someone could swim or not, anyone can literally float in the Dead Sea. We slowly walked into the water and sat allowing for the water to carry you. It was a fun adventure.
After we all were washed from the Dead Sea mud and salt, we got back onto the bus and headed toward the Bedouin desert. As soon as we got off the bus at the Bedouin camp, we went on a camel ride in the desert. It was such a fun experience! I have never ridden a horse, let alone a camel. I enjoyed it so much! That night we stayed in the Bedouin camp. We experienced their tea [sweet tea!], the coffee [like a rich shot of espresso], their food, and of course staying in a Bedouin tent. Every part of the Bedouin experience was amazing and I would not have changed anything.
The next morning, we awoke up at 4am. I was wide awake, while most of the group was still trying to wake up. I was excited for what was to come. We left the camp by 5am and headed to Mount Masada. Along the way we passed Israeli soldiers- new recruits- on their journey to Masada. Why would they be on their way to a mountain at 5am? New recruits in the Israeli army are required to walk all night from Jerusalem to Mt. Masada [a 3 hour drive] to watch the sunrise and learn the history of that mountain. Masada is known because of various attacks that occurred. It is a constant reminder to Israeli soldiers to fight to the end. As we journeyed on we reached the bottom of Mt. Masada. It was a steep incline- an old ramp used by the Romans. But within an hour we made it to the top. It was such a breathtaking scene. The sun was rising over the mountains in Jordan and glistened on the Dead Sea. The rays shown on the ruins of the fortress on Masada. Weary soldiers were making their way to the top. Birds were beginning to sing. The morning fog was fading. It was a new day; a beautiful day. The hike down was intense- a steep incline called the "snake path". In all, we hiked up 1300 ft and down 1300 ft. We reached the bottom and ate breakfast. Afterwards we went on our desert jeep safari. It was very long! I enjoyed the trek across the desert, but it was chilly and too long.
All in all, the previous two days were amazing. I went to Qumran, the Dead Sea, rode a camel, stayed in a Bedouin camp, climbed Mt. Masada to watch the sunrise, and went on a desert jeep safari. It was a great time.
After we all were washed from the Dead Sea mud and salt, we got back onto the bus and headed toward the Bedouin desert. As soon as we got off the bus at the Bedouin camp, we went on a camel ride in the desert. It was such a fun experience! I have never ridden a horse, let alone a camel. I enjoyed it so much! That night we stayed in the Bedouin camp. We experienced their tea [sweet tea!], the coffee [like a rich shot of espresso], their food, and of course staying in a Bedouin tent. Every part of the Bedouin experience was amazing and I would not have changed anything.
The next morning, we awoke up at 4am. I was wide awake, while most of the group was still trying to wake up. I was excited for what was to come. We left the camp by 5am and headed to Mount Masada. Along the way we passed Israeli soldiers- new recruits- on their journey to Masada. Why would they be on their way to a mountain at 5am? New recruits in the Israeli army are required to walk all night from Jerusalem to Mt. Masada [a 3 hour drive] to watch the sunrise and learn the history of that mountain. Masada is known because of various attacks that occurred. It is a constant reminder to Israeli soldiers to fight to the end. As we journeyed on we reached the bottom of Mt. Masada. It was a steep incline- an old ramp used by the Romans. But within an hour we made it to the top. It was such a breathtaking scene. The sun was rising over the mountains in Jordan and glistened on the Dead Sea. The rays shown on the ruins of the fortress on Masada. Weary soldiers were making their way to the top. Birds were beginning to sing. The morning fog was fading. It was a new day; a beautiful day. The hike down was intense- a steep incline called the "snake path". In all, we hiked up 1300 ft and down 1300 ft. We reached the bottom and ate breakfast. Afterwards we went on our desert jeep safari. It was very long! I enjoyed the trek across the desert, but it was chilly and too long.
All in all, the previous two days were amazing. I went to Qumran, the Dead Sea, rode a camel, stayed in a Bedouin camp, climbed Mt. Masada to watch the sunrise, and went on a desert jeep safari. It was a great time.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Disappointed Hopes
Today was a rather disappointing day. Before I go further, I want to you to read everything before making an opinion on what I have to say. If you were to question all of the students on this trip to Israel you would find out some disappointed rests in our minds. As we all signed up for this incredible chance to study abroad in Israel, we were given the sure hopes of staying in a building specifically for Southeastern students. At the end of last semester we even reviewed the blueprints and floor plans of the building. Everything was set. However, plans changed. The week before we left for Israel, we were notified that were unable to stay in our building due to some flooding or something. Honestly, the students have been left in the dark for the most part. For the past 2 weeks students have been some what embittered by the fact that there is a beautiful Southeastern building that we are unable to live in. Meanwhile, we stay in a bed & breakfast with mediocre internet and close living quarters. It is less than comfortable.
Today we celebrated the Grand [not] Opening of the Southeastern University Studies Center. We all walked to the building from our guesthouse with a bit of anger. Honestly, I was one of those students. Entering the building and seeing Dr. Rutland's smiling face didn't help. I was disappointed that we were told that we were staying in the building then that was taken away from us. A huge part of this disappointment is tied with the fact that Dr. Rutland is resigning. Most of the students were filled with aggravation to the situation. To me, it even felt like Southeastern didn't care anymore. It felt like a show. None of the special guests- the Board of Regents or alumni- came up to meet and greet the students actually on the study abroad.
Then God worked in my heart. I realize that, yes, I do not like how Southeastern has dealt with everything. Not at all. However, my attitude hasn't helped anything. I was talking disrespectfully and even ungodly. My attitude was not exemplifying that of Christ. Even further, I realized that while I am here in Israel, I need to make sure I leave a great representation of who Christ is. Regardless if anyone from Israel heard our conversations [whicht they do], I need to make sure that I am not disrespecting or speaking out of line. I want to reflect Christ in spite of things not going my way. That is what I have learned.
Today we celebrated the Grand [not] Opening of the Southeastern University Studies Center. We all walked to the building from our guesthouse with a bit of anger. Honestly, I was one of those students. Entering the building and seeing Dr. Rutland's smiling face didn't help. I was disappointed that we were told that we were staying in the building then that was taken away from us. A huge part of this disappointment is tied with the fact that Dr. Rutland is resigning. Most of the students were filled with aggravation to the situation. To me, it even felt like Southeastern didn't care anymore. It felt like a show. None of the special guests- the Board of Regents or alumni- came up to meet and greet the students actually on the study abroad.
Then God worked in my heart. I realize that, yes, I do not like how Southeastern has dealt with everything. Not at all. However, my attitude hasn't helped anything. I was talking disrespectfully and even ungodly. My attitude was not exemplifying that of Christ. Even further, I realized that while I am here in Israel, I need to make sure I leave a great representation of who Christ is. Regardless if anyone from Israel heard our conversations [whicht they do], I need to make sure that I am not disrespecting or speaking out of line. I want to reflect Christ in spite of things not going my way. That is what I have learned.
Monday, March 23, 2009
A New Found Freedom
The last two days have been rather exhausting yet incredible. Yesterday morning we woke up bright and early to drive to northern Israel. We first went to the church on Mt. Beatitudes followed by other churches. The next part of our journey took us to Galiliee, where we went to a museum and a boat ride on the Sea of Galilee. It was so fun. But even still I was awaiting something more incredible. We ended our touring of Galilee at the Jordan River.
I was blown away. We got to the site for the Jordan River baptisms where we also received a white robe, towel, and a baptism certificate. I am sure to some that this simple idea of baptism means nothing. However, it changed my world forever.
All I could do was think about how I was at the river where Jesus was baptized and where John did his ministry. The very idea of following in the footsteps of Christ is unfathomable. Back in that day, John baptized people for salvation, but Christ got baptized for another reason. He chose to be immersed in waters to reveal the symbolism of his own near death. Going into the water shows the world something significant. As one closes their eyes and takes a deep breath, transformation begins.
I chose to be baptized, however for many reasons. Of course there is the given answer that I wanted to be baptized because Jesus was baptized and it was the Jordan River. Why would I miss that opportunity? But I had another major reason. I have been relying on myself for so long, trying to improve my situations. I think I am capable of doing it myself. A huge part of Christ's ministry was to show everyone how to lose the self. For the first time, I truly understand that now. Because of my pain, my selfishness, my arrogance, or whatever else, I haven't relied on God the way I know I have needed to.
Walking into the water yesterday I began to weep. As my feet entered into the chilly waters of the Jordan, I began to cry. Why would I cry if I am just being baptized? What's the big deal? Honestly, it goes back to my lack of honor and trust in God. Being baptized yesterday was a symbolic event of me dying to this girl I have become and allowing for a brand new awakening to come forth. Coming out of the water, I feel a freedom that is completely foreign to me. I cried still. These tears, for once, were not tears of my own pain or regret but rather tears of an overwhelming peace. This peace gives me a new found freedom and I smile.
I was blown away. We got to the site for the Jordan River baptisms where we also received a white robe, towel, and a baptism certificate. I am sure to some that this simple idea of baptism means nothing. However, it changed my world forever.
All I could do was think about how I was at the river where Jesus was baptized and where John did his ministry. The very idea of following in the footsteps of Christ is unfathomable. Back in that day, John baptized people for salvation, but Christ got baptized for another reason. He chose to be immersed in waters to reveal the symbolism of his own near death. Going into the water shows the world something significant. As one closes their eyes and takes a deep breath, transformation begins.
I chose to be baptized, however for many reasons. Of course there is the given answer that I wanted to be baptized because Jesus was baptized and it was the Jordan River. Why would I miss that opportunity? But I had another major reason. I have been relying on myself for so long, trying to improve my situations. I think I am capable of doing it myself. A huge part of Christ's ministry was to show everyone how to lose the self. For the first time, I truly understand that now. Because of my pain, my selfishness, my arrogance, or whatever else, I haven't relied on God the way I know I have needed to.
Walking into the water yesterday I began to weep. As my feet entered into the chilly waters of the Jordan, I began to cry. Why would I cry if I am just being baptized? What's the big deal? Honestly, it goes back to my lack of honor and trust in God. Being baptized yesterday was a symbolic event of me dying to this girl I have become and allowing for a brand new awakening to come forth. Coming out of the water, I feel a freedom that is completely foreign to me. I cried still. These tears, for once, were not tears of my own pain or regret but rather tears of an overwhelming peace. This peace gives me a new found freedom and I smile.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
The Synagogue
Earlier today our group experienced a new part of Israeli culture- the Orthodox Jewish Synagogue. As we entered into the traditional style synagogue men and women were separated, as usual. But it was even more strict than other sites. The women have to wear dresses or skirts while the men have to wear dress clothes and a kippa. Upon entrance, we departed from each other. The men disappeared into the crowd of other men, while the women went up several staircases to the high balcony. From that moment on, I knew that this service would change so much about my views of men and women.
As I sat in a hard wooden seat in the balcony, I leaned in as much as I could to try to hear the soft voice from below. But I was also distracted by the men staring up the girls from our group. They were not staring out of lust or desire- not even curiosity. The women in the balcony did the same. Upon our group's arrival to this area we have been nothing but Gentiles in the land of the chosen people. At this service I felt "unclean". I was a Gentile.
I tried with so much effort to listen and pay attention to the service, but I had many issues that I dealt with. Aside from the stares of everyone at the service, the location for the women was enough of an issue on its own. The balcony seating for women allows for little to no understanding of the service below on the main level. Kids were like animals running around the balcony while their mothers had not a care in the world. Some women fervently were praying and silently reading the scripture to themselves. However, most women were in the midst of conversation with the women around them. The balcony was high up therefore hearing the rabbi was rather difficult- no microphone was used [it was also only in Hebrew]. The only moments I could actually hear the service and halfway understand what was occurring was when the men below would sing songs which echoed beautifully in the building.
Throughout the entire service, I thought of several things. In 1 Corinthians [several chapters], Paul reverences how women need to remain silent. In today's Christianity, but more specifically because of my current location, Judaism, scriptures such as 1 Cor. 14 have been misinterpreted and used incorrectly. At the synagogue, so much became clear to me. Historically speaking, the reason women were not allowed to speak was for the reason I listed above: women were in higher balconies therefore not a being able to hear clearly what the rabbi was saying as well as the distractions of children. Frankly women were uneducated and had no idea what was occurring and that is why, back then, depending on the setup, women were unable to speak up. Once again, by scripture and now history, my calling as a female preacher is validated. No one can dare tell me otherwise- I know who I am in God.
But even further I sat there wondering even more. Do these women sit here and wish things were different? Are these women captive by the law and their rigid structure or are they captivated by it all? Do they even care because they know nothing else? They survive in this world full of structure. I am not sure what to think. I take this even further. These Jews seem so focused on rules and ritual and yet do they even feel anything? After almost 2 weeks of being here in Israel I know the answer. It would be so hard for me to think that their worship, obedience and discipline would be all in vain. I definitely feel that these Jews, these orthodox believers, love God with their heart and mind. They have a reverence, obedience, and honor for God that I have never seen before, even among Christians. I have learned something so profound here: regardless of ritual or structure, God can meet the needs of those that ask. God does not reside in the law [alone] nor does he remain bound to structure. Even this, I believe, that if these men and women are content in their ways of life, I encourage them to remain obedient and disciplined. If God can meet me in America at some suburban church, God can surely meet these Jews in their synagogue. Just as He hears my prayers, He will hear the prayers of anyone desperate. The veil has been torn, as I saw in the Temple, but the Holy of Holies is still present. I can feel God here so much, in ways I could have never imagined.
I know Jesus said "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one comes to Father except through me." But as I asked earlier, is their worship in vain? I honestly don't think so. I firmly believe Jesus is the Way, but will God accept those that are so devoted to Him [God] without having not accepted Christ? I have no idea. I struggle with this. Jews are the chosen people. So to this I leave up to God entirely. I cannot make a judgment. I pray that their Hebrew songs are a beautiful aroma before God. As God says throughout the scripture, he will restore his people.
As I sat in a hard wooden seat in the balcony, I leaned in as much as I could to try to hear the soft voice from below. But I was also distracted by the men staring up the girls from our group. They were not staring out of lust or desire- not even curiosity. The women in the balcony did the same. Upon our group's arrival to this area we have been nothing but Gentiles in the land of the chosen people. At this service I felt "unclean". I was a Gentile.
I tried with so much effort to listen and pay attention to the service, but I had many issues that I dealt with. Aside from the stares of everyone at the service, the location for the women was enough of an issue on its own. The balcony seating for women allows for little to no understanding of the service below on the main level. Kids were like animals running around the balcony while their mothers had not a care in the world. Some women fervently were praying and silently reading the scripture to themselves. However, most women were in the midst of conversation with the women around them. The balcony was high up therefore hearing the rabbi was rather difficult- no microphone was used [it was also only in Hebrew]. The only moments I could actually hear the service and halfway understand what was occurring was when the men below would sing songs which echoed beautifully in the building.
Throughout the entire service, I thought of several things. In 1 Corinthians [several chapters], Paul reverences how women need to remain silent. In today's Christianity, but more specifically because of my current location, Judaism, scriptures such as 1 Cor. 14 have been misinterpreted and used incorrectly. At the synagogue, so much became clear to me. Historically speaking, the reason women were not allowed to speak was for the reason I listed above: women were in higher balconies therefore not a being able to hear clearly what the rabbi was saying as well as the distractions of children. Frankly women were uneducated and had no idea what was occurring and that is why, back then, depending on the setup, women were unable to speak up. Once again, by scripture and now history, my calling as a female preacher is validated. No one can dare tell me otherwise- I know who I am in God.
But even further I sat there wondering even more. Do these women sit here and wish things were different? Are these women captive by the law and their rigid structure or are they captivated by it all? Do they even care because they know nothing else? They survive in this world full of structure. I am not sure what to think. I take this even further. These Jews seem so focused on rules and ritual and yet do they even feel anything? After almost 2 weeks of being here in Israel I know the answer. It would be so hard for me to think that their worship, obedience and discipline would be all in vain. I definitely feel that these Jews, these orthodox believers, love God with their heart and mind. They have a reverence, obedience, and honor for God that I have never seen before, even among Christians. I have learned something so profound here: regardless of ritual or structure, God can meet the needs of those that ask. God does not reside in the law [alone] nor does he remain bound to structure. Even this, I believe, that if these men and women are content in their ways of life, I encourage them to remain obedient and disciplined. If God can meet me in America at some suburban church, God can surely meet these Jews in their synagogue. Just as He hears my prayers, He will hear the prayers of anyone desperate. The veil has been torn, as I saw in the Temple, but the Holy of Holies is still present. I can feel God here so much, in ways I could have never imagined.
I know Jesus said "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one comes to Father except through me." But as I asked earlier, is their worship in vain? I honestly don't think so. I firmly believe Jesus is the Way, but will God accept those that are so devoted to Him [God] without having not accepted Christ? I have no idea. I struggle with this. Jews are the chosen people. So to this I leave up to God entirely. I cannot make a judgment. I pray that their Hebrew songs are a beautiful aroma before God. As God says throughout the scripture, he will restore his people.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Yad Vashem: The Memorial to the Holocaust
Later today, after leaving the Wailing Wall, we headed to Yad Vashem. Yad Vashem is the Holocause Museum on Mt. Herzel. Yad Vashem means "a hand and a name. a hand to help those in need and a name to remember those who are no more". It does not matter how many Holocaust museums and memorials I go to- I still weep everytime. It was very emotional on so many levels. 6 million Jews were killed, 1 1/2 million of them were children. It was so hard for me to grasp today because here I stand, in the land of the Jews God's chosen people, yet 6 million of them were slaughtered in one of the most brutal massacres in history.
Dr. van der Laan said something that meant a lot to me. Before we went there he told us a quote from a conversation between two people. It said "'How can you believe in God after something so terrible?' 'Well how can you believe in man after something so terrible?'" They resounded in my head while walking through the museum. But all I can say after this is never again, never again.
Dr. van der Laan said something that meant a lot to me. Before we went there he told us a quote from a conversation between two people. It said "'How can you believe in God after something so terrible?' 'Well how can you believe in man after something so terrible?'" They resounded in my head while walking through the museum. But all I can say after this is never again, never again.
The Wailing Wall
So today I experienced my first visit to the Western Wall of the old Temple. For many people it is commonly known as the "Wailing Wall". The reason for that nickname is rather interesting and something I never actually knew. After years of captivity and pain, the Jews were allowed to mourn for the Temple outside the Temple. Cries of sorrow and heartbreak resounded. Now Israel is its own nation. Jews have their freedom to come to the Western wall of the Temple to pray, to weep, to cry...to wail. For what? For some it is for provision; for others it is for personal healing; for others it is for weeping of things they do not even know.
One must know the layout and setup of the Temple and this specific area to really know the affect it can have on someone. Walking into the side where the Western Wall is, men and women are separated. Men must wear a kippa/yamuka or a hat. Women must be dressed modestly. Walking toward the wall now, men go to the left where they have the freedom to pray, to enter libraries, tunnels, etc. They celebrate bar mitzvas for the boys at age 13 right there by the Wall. That is where those boys are considered men and, for the first time, they can read the Scripture and Law publicly. Women on the other hand, I got a closer look at. The women's section for the Wall is directly on the other side of where the Holy of Holies was located. The Holy of Holies is where the Name [the LORD] dwelt. Only the priest could enter. The women, especially very orthodox Jewish women, pray will such reverence. It was a reverence I have never seen before. They prayed for hours, I am sure. The women would read privately from the books of the Law, or other writings. They would pray at the wall gently placing their hands on the stone. As they leave the Wall, women, rather than turning around to walk away, they back up from the wall. Many of the women went as far as walking backwards to the gate of the women's section. What is the reasoning for walking backward? The women feel that by walking backwards they still honor the LORD in the Holy of Holies- they refuse to turn their back to Him. Both the men and women place pieces of papers, usually rolled like a scroll, into the cracks on the wall. Those papers are never thrown away. When the papers fall from the cracks in the wall, the papers are collected separate from trash, and buried with old Bibles, Scriptures, etc. The Jews strongly feel that they cannot disrespect the name of God. If God's name is written on any paper, they cannot throw it away. Since the papers are not read, all are buried as sacred.
This morning was an opportunity to see a world outside of anything I could have ever known elsewhere. The presence of devotion, dedication, and reverence to the LORD is beyond anything I have seen. What would happen if every Christian prayed to God with the same attitude? With the same reverence? What would happen if we would each have our "wailing wall" and cry before God to meet Him? What would happen if we each recognized the Holy of Holies was nearby and we would refuse to turn our back on it? I leave those answers to you. But I will tell you this: the world would be very different.
One must know the layout and setup of the Temple and this specific area to really know the affect it can have on someone. Walking into the side where the Western Wall is, men and women are separated. Men must wear a kippa/yamuka or a hat. Women must be dressed modestly. Walking toward the wall now, men go to the left where they have the freedom to pray, to enter libraries, tunnels, etc. They celebrate bar mitzvas for the boys at age 13 right there by the Wall. That is where those boys are considered men and, for the first time, they can read the Scripture and Law publicly. Women on the other hand, I got a closer look at. The women's section for the Wall is directly on the other side of where the Holy of Holies was located. The Holy of Holies is where the Name [the LORD] dwelt. Only the priest could enter. The women, especially very orthodox Jewish women, pray will such reverence. It was a reverence I have never seen before. They prayed for hours, I am sure. The women would read privately from the books of the Law, or other writings. They would pray at the wall gently placing their hands on the stone. As they leave the Wall, women, rather than turning around to walk away, they back up from the wall. Many of the women went as far as walking backwards to the gate of the women's section. What is the reasoning for walking backward? The women feel that by walking backwards they still honor the LORD in the Holy of Holies- they refuse to turn their back to Him. Both the men and women place pieces of papers, usually rolled like a scroll, into the cracks on the wall. Those papers are never thrown away. When the papers fall from the cracks in the wall, the papers are collected separate from trash, and buried with old Bibles, Scriptures, etc. The Jews strongly feel that they cannot disrespect the name of God. If God's name is written on any paper, they cannot throw it away. Since the papers are not read, all are buried as sacred.
This morning was an opportunity to see a world outside of anything I could have ever known elsewhere. The presence of devotion, dedication, and reverence to the LORD is beyond anything I have seen. What would happen if every Christian prayed to God with the same attitude? With the same reverence? What would happen if we would each have our "wailing wall" and cry before God to meet Him? What would happen if we each recognized the Holy of Holies was nearby and we would refuse to turn our back on it? I leave those answers to you. But I will tell you this: the world would be very different.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
First Impression
So here I am sitting in our bed & breakfast in Jerusalem, Israel. We got to Israel around 2pm Israeli time after over 24 hours of traveling. It is so beautiful. The main languages are Hebrew, Arabic, and surprisingly English [though not great English]. To the Arabs we are customers for their markets and the Jews we are Gentiles and need to be avoided. That is a weird concept to me and something I am not used to. It is Shabbat [Sabbath] from sundown on Friday to sundown on Saturday. We just happen to be staying in the Orthodox Jewish community. In the Arab market today, we saw a fight and two of our girls were asked for marriage. We went to the Jaffa gate and ended at the Damascus Gate of the Old City. When we were lost, the Arabs gave us incorrect directions. We won't be asking them again. Oh and the food so far is incredible! I can't wait to try more! So here is my brief update of the trip.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Tomorrow
I cannot wait. Tomorrow I begin this journey that I have been waiting for. It will be exciting, liberating, and beyond what I could have thought. I am so ready for this.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
so close.
I leave for Israel on Thursday- 4 days away. I am so excited. I feel I am finally getting to the point to see my dream become reality. Its very surreal. I finished reading 6 books in one week...all of which I needed to read for this trip. That were all [mostly] interesting and somewhat challenging on many levels. I can't wait to finally get to Israel to see the things I have read about in books, especially the Bible. The scriptures will become alive in such a new way for me. This journey I am about to embark on is going to change my life. I feel it. I know it. I am ready.
Monday, March 2, 2009
one week.
I leave for Israel in one week. That seems so soon yet so far away! I have a lot of work to do still! But I am so excited! I can't wait!
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
21 days!
So three weeks I will be in the land of all history. I ache for this. I need this trip. I know God is already preparing me for what is going to happen. But I am ready...and waiting.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
28 Days!
I cannot wait! Only 28 days until I leave for Israel! It will be life changing! I will keep posted on everything!
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